Diets

You’ll eventually get used to my dark sense of humor.

Image by the author

The three were fast friends but they’d never eaten together before. The dinner was Hal’s idea. He and Bill would pick up the check for their new buddy, Welp.

Welp was strange but he was a genuine good ol’ boy. He drank beer, talked loudly about sports, and belched with the best of them. But he wouldn’t eat the Cheetos during the game, even as he stared at the 60 inch screen and cheered — or booed. I forget which.

Welp was on some sort of diet. He didn’t specify. He just said that he needs to watch what he eats. Well, the other two could accept that. Heck, Hal couldn’t handle lactose and Bill had trouble with gluten. In the 21st century, everybody had dietary issues.

So, to be safe, they selected a restaurant with a really varied menu. Everybody ordered, but Welp pulled the waiter aside to explain his special dietary requirements. The waiter seemed startled and clearly objected. But after Welp handed him some unspecified number of dollars, the disagreement seemed to be amicably settled.

Dinner arrived and the three munched, belched and farted joyfully. They told off-color jokes and guffawed. They drank plenty.

Hal enjoyed his vegetarian meal. Lots of greens. Tasteless and unsatisfying — but that’s the nature of a diet, isn’t it? Bill fared better as a…