I think what matters most is intent. Is someone using certain language with the INTENT of diminishing others? Unfortunately, it's very hard to determine intent. But there are such people, who use language intending to diminish others while retaining deniability. That's part of the reason progressives are so sensitive about language. This makes sense to me.

Older people, like myself, may simply not be able to remember people's preferred pronouns. (I have great trouble even remembering people's names.)

Personally, I prefer that we invent new terms as needed instead of repurposing old ones.

I love Ms! I also love Mx! I'm fine with using "gay" to refer to homosexual because we have other words for "happy" so repurposing "gay" doesn't usually cause confusion. But "they"? Now it's often unclear whether we are referring to a group of people or to a single trans person. I'd prefer we create a set of gender neutral pronouns. I think there was one - zhi or something like that. Sadly, it didn't stick around.