Landmark Decision: Highest Court Recognizes Personhood of Pregnant Women
The SCOTUS reverses itself and issues an apology.
In a 10–9 decision, along party lines, the Supreme Court has ruled in favor of women.
They are calling it the most consequential Court ruling since the 2026 restoration of Dred Scott v. Sandford.
The new Court, packed with actual competent and sane jurists selected by President Ortega, has reversed decades of settled law, recognizing that zygotes are a clump of cells and that a pregnant woman is a human being.
Justice Clarence Thomas, now 126, wrote a scathing dissent after casting his three-fifths of a vote with the minority. He was subsequently removed from the courtroom in leg irons.
In a decision decades earlier, Thomas had annulled his own marriage and wrote the majority decision in the repeal of Loving v. Virginia.
Since that time, critics have called him a sad, lonely and angry old man.
Women Rejoice
Across the nation, women removed their hooded robes and aprons and took to the streets cheering.
“A pregnant woman is one person. This remains true even if she is pregnant with twins, even quintuplets. In the current case, the five were clearly conspiring to kill their host, and she had them removed in self-defense,” wrote Justice Matumbo in the majority decision.
“No crime has been committed,” he concluded. “We apologize on behalf of our current and past colleagues for the confusion.”
The nine Justices in the minority, most of whom were appointed by the disgraced late president Trump were, at press time, pouting and having a tantrum.
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