Why I Don’t Believe In God and Yet Obsess Over An Idea Attributed to Jesus
I’m an odd one. I don’t believe in God or the supernatural. I am appalled by the loudest “Christians” who seem to forcefully reject the most important of Jesus’ teachings. And I’m fascinated and obsessed with one of those teachings.
Let me explain.
My background is Jewish and, as a child, I was sent to Hebrew School. I was, at the time, agnostic. I didn’t know if there’s a God or not. (Strictly speaking, I still don’t know.) But I was learning about Him and maybe that would clarify things for me.
It did.
I was learning the Hebrew language and, because of this, was able to read a tiny bit of the Bible in the original language. In Genesis, I noticed that when describing how He created the universe, God refers to Himself as “we”, not “I”. It says “We created man in our image.”
Since my religious teachers never tired of telling me “God is one,” this seemed very significant to me. They dismissed my observation by saying that the wording is kind of like the Royal “We.” I don’t know even now. Maybe.
In any case, my doubts grew. Of course, the problem of evil weighed heavily on my thinking, once it was brought to my attention. I was shown films of the Holocaust. Naturally, I thought “what kind of God would let such a thing happen?” Of course, there are numerous rationalizations explaining the problem of evil. To this day, I find none of them convincing.
But the deal was sealed — I disbelieved in God from the moment I noticed that my Hebrew School teacher had a number tattooed on her arm. That kindly old lady had been in the grip of Hitler! How could there possibly be a supernatural being who looks after people and protects the good?
Fast forward.
My interest in religion faded to nothing. Of course, I encountered religious people in the world, including my own family. But I didn’t think much about it. Science and reason took center stage as a way of understanding and navigating the world. This approach had a track record and nearly all of the modern marvels that make our lives better than our predecessors, came about due to science and reason. Galileo, for promoting the idea of doing experiments to figure things out, became my hero.
And yet, religious ideas seeped into my head. In particular, when right wing zealots preached the most horrific things and attributed them to Jesus, I was outraged on behalf of good Christians, those who were truly benevolent, inspired by His words. It didn’t (and doesn’t) matter to me that religion itself is based on bad thinking. Hypocrisy and especially cruelty gets under my skin.
I thought back to something I was told about religion. I was told that it was more realistic to be Jewish than Christian, because Christians are told to love their enemies, while Jews are only required to treat their enemies justly. But — should you believe something because it’s easier to act on? Or should you believe things that are true?
Of course, you should believe things that you have compelling reasons to believe they are true. Which, in the case of Judaism and Christianity, those reasons are lacking.
In any case, I got to thinking about loving your enemies. That IS a hard thing to do. If you perceive someone as your enemy, how can you possibly love him? Even in the context of a set of beliefs that I find unbelievable, this was a perplexing concept.
And I came to a conclusion. Love your enemies contains within it a couple of profound ideas. First of all, maybe you have no enemies. What makes someone an enemy? He disagrees with you? He treats you badly? Heck, nearly everyone disagrees with you sometimes. And at least occasionally treats you badly.
I suppose an enemy is someone who does this more frequently and with more intensity.
In any case, if you were to love your enemy, you probably see him as something other than, or perhaps more than, an enemy. You see him as a person, like yourself, who’s thoughts and behaviors are inconsistent. Who gets angry sometimes and lashes out. Who gets an idea in his head that leads to destructive or cruel behavior. And someone also capable of kindness and love.
To me, love your enemy means to deeply see and feel a common humanity with all people, especially those who you see as enemies. Because you share so much in common with those purported enemies. You share all of the qualities of a human being. You and your enemies are so much alike that the very idea of “enemy” becomes a bit ridiculous.
While I find it difficult — but possible — to love my enemies, I am unable to consistently retain that state of mind. Words people say, terrible things people do, successfully trigger anger in me and I become a worse person in reaction. Still, by contemplating what the words “love your enemies” means to me, I am a better person more often than I would otherwise be.
And a few other teaching of that non-God Jesus also help: the Sermon on the Mount — to silently observe the world and its marvels without judgement, for example. Or the idea of hating the sin and loving the sinner. This helps me to forgive myself and others for their shortcomings.
I am reminded of the Jefferson Bible, written by the deist Thomas Jefferson. He prepared an edited version of the bible, removing all the supernatural concepts and turning it into a set of moral teachings by a wise Jesus. This wouldn’t quite work for me. In my opinion, there are quite a few very bad moral lessons in the bible along side the good ones. But, nonetheless, there are some very good and useful moral lessons in the bible. And I can utilize them while disbelieving in God.
In fact, I do exactly that.
